The 26 Hot Men I Wish Had Crashed My Birthday Party

Every year when I get older I like to write something reflective. Well this year, I’m not going to get very reflective. I’m just going to get really shallow and weird on you guys. I might even lose a few friends off of this. Well probably not. I’m going to make a list of famous men I wish would have come to my party because I find them hot in my own particular odd ball way. You are more than welcome to comment, but ultimately this is about me. They’re not in any order, just whatever order I happen to think of them. So here goes


26. Alexander Skaarsgard

He’s absolutely one of the sexiest men in the world to me. He’s super tall, and super handsome. I really don’t like blond hair and blue eyes but gorgeous is gorgeous. I don’t know what Sookie’s problem is on True Blood, Eric is irresistible. He could certainly come to my party with or without the fangs. Preferably with.


25. Johnny Depp

Give me a girl whose fantasy list this guy isn’t on? His face is absolutely beautiful and he’s doing a hell of a job aging. Fine. Fine. Fine. A little on the thin side and a smoker. Also looks like he doesn’t bathe as often as he should but I’ll over look it I promise. As long as he smokes outside he can definitely come to my party.


24. Adam Levine

He’s hot in that lead singer of a band sort of way for sure. I have never heard him talk though and my little sister said he has an annoying speaking voice. No problem, he’s not allowed to talk. But he is a decent height, he’s got dark features and he’s handsome. And he has toned up recently. So he is definitely more than welcome.


23. Ryan Reynolds

It’s weird because I used to think he was just goofy and annoying in most movies. He was never bad looking, but it’s amazing what a few roles and weeks in the gym will do for a guys sex appeal. There’s something hot about the guy who is hot, but doesn’t act like he’s hot and actually seems like he’s a little clumsy and self deprecating. That’s even hotter. So that’s the it factor for Ryan. And he’s definitely on my fantasy guest list even though Green Lantern doesn’t look especially good to me.


22. Cillian Murphy

You know when I look at him I always think he looks just a little feminine in some ways. And he’s not handsome in the classic way, but at the same time he’s still incredibly good looking and there are things about him that truly draw you in. He’s intense, and mysterious and odd. That’s what makes him attractive and sexy to me anyway. He’s definitely on the paler end of the spectrum for my tastes but he’s still extremely appealing. And he comes across as a class act. So I would feel validated having someone like him at my party, lol


21. James Franco

I’d classify him as having that classical boyish good looks on a grown man sexiness. I don’t like him that much with the facial hair, this incarnation right here is how I prefer him. He looks young, fun and carefree and in interviews I’ve seen he seems like he has some pretty positive energy. All in all he just comes across as cool on top of being good looking.


20. Stephen Colbert (In Character)

I’m an odd woman but I doubt I’m the only one who finds Stephen Colbert oddly sexy. He’s decently tall, dark and handsome in a professorial sort of way. He has an it factor to, plus he is so hilarious and charismatic. He seems like he can suck all the attention out of a room and on to himself even when he is near another famous person. He’s magnetic like that and funny is always sexy!! And that’s the Word!


19. Robert Downey Jr.

Hot Hot and Hot. I really hope being at my party wouldn’t screw with his sobriety, but if I have a fantasy list he simply has to be on it. Older but still swaggering with a youthful zest to him, Robert Downey Jr has it going on. And he definitely has that life of the party attitude about him. Plus that slight jerk edge but not full blown jerk thing is something that (unfortunately) all of us ladies tend to have some attraction to at one point or another in our lives. One of the sexiest post train wreck stars out there.


18. Hugh Jackman

Wolverine sucked. But the movie was worth seeing because it had Hugh Jackman running wet and naked for a few minutes. Then after that even he couldn’t save it. If he had come to my party it would have made up for me having seen that film. That said I’ve already said I have a weakness for tall men and he’s got height and body build going for him as well as being dark and incredibly gorgeous. One of the most charming face lighting smiles out there in the game and he’s got an accent. So party access is certainly granted.


17. Spock

When I went to see Star Trek last year I didn’t know what to expect because…well I hated Star Trek most of my life. Just found it sort of hammy. Anyway I remember being instantly enamored with Spock. I’ve always been drawn to intelligence and some jerkish qualities so a guy who is completely logical and tries not to show emotion sadly is a strong attraction for me lol. I remember feeling so silly for how big a crush I had on him and my friend leaning over to me after the movie was over and saying “Based on attitude alone I know you have a thing for Spock!” But he simply has everything. He’s smart, he’s handsome, he’s a high achiever and he commands respect. I’m not sure he would be big on birthdays or drinking but I’d still want him at my party anyway. At the very least he could use his grip if people got too rowdy and be the sexy designated driver.


16. Joseph Gordon Levitt

I had such a crush on him when he was on 3rd Rock From The Sun. Seeing him in Inception though, he certainly still has it and then some now a days. He’s got that boyish good looks thing going on and he’s certainly shorter than I prefer but there is something kind of boy next door and inviting about him while also sophisticated. And he has dark hair and dark eyes which are my normal preference (I actually only date black men, but most of my fantasy guys are dark featured white guys, lol go figure). It’s gonna be fun to see where his career goes. He could certainly have gotten VIP treatment at my bday party.


15. Paul Rudd

Ya know something funny? I didn’t like Paul Rudd for the longest time because the creepy step brother thing in Clueless bugged me so much I just associated him with creepy. I mean I was a teenager back then and it just wasn’t flying.I couldn’t even tell he was hot back then because it disturbed me so much. In any case I love him now though. He’s like the perfect leading man for romantic comedies these days. He works because he’s handsome but he comes across as dorky in a funny and endearing way and he still seems like he has several elements of cool about him to go along with the dorkiness. He seems like a genuinely nice guy too on top of all of that. And the dark hair, combo with the killer blue eyes works. He seems like the guy who could certainly keep the party going and keep everyone engaged. So I’m way over the creepy step brother Clueless thing. Rudd is yummy.


14. John Stamos

Have Mercy!!!! He’s the only reason I attempted to watch Full House as a kid. Why did they even have the annoying uncle on there? He was the only uncle that was necessary. Ok the whole show was crap. But Stamos! He’s just all sorts of gorgeous. And he has a great head of dark hair, those piercing blue eyes, a great smile and I’ve seen him on Conan’s show enough times to know that he has a great sense of humor too despite having been on Full House. He’s all around all sorts of hot and he seems like such a cool guy. Would definitely want him hanging around by the punch bowl.


13. Denzel Washington

I mean he still looks nice now but if I had my pick it would be young Denzel. He’s got that classic charm to him. Definitely handsome, definitely tall, certainly dark but he oozes charisma and talent.And that smile and that laugh. He’s someone you’d totally want to be around when there’s a good time going on and he looks great all dressed up. So I definitely hope he RSVPs to his invitation to my fantasy party, lol


12. George Stephanopoulos

When I was a little kid watching the Clinton White House I fell in love. And the love only grew when he became an ABC News Correspondent. George, George, George…so boyishly handsome, so dark, so Greek. So Clintonian. On the short side but it’s all forgiven because he is just extremely dreamy to me in so many other ways. When I was in high school I confided in my social studies teacher that I had the silliest crush on him (well most of my friends and favorite teachers knew anyway, lol). While presenting me with the social studies award at our senior assembly a week before graduation she embarrassed me and outed my crush to the school, lol. My parents told me on the ride home “Well now we know why you watch ABC news so much!” Definitely wouldn’t be a party without George Stephanopoulos.

11. Chris Pine

I mainly fell in love with him during Star Trek too, but I think it would be sort of trampy to invite Captain Kirk and Spock to the party and have eyes on both since they are friends. But Chris Pine and Spock aren’t friends, so I’ll just invite Chris Pine instead of the NuKirk and win all the way around. Chris Pine has great eyes, they’re just amazing to look at and he has a young and confident swagger that is very appealing about him. He doesn’t seem like he’d be the life of the party to me but he does seem like a guy you wouldn’t mind having standing across from you on the other side of the room at a party so he can definitely come!


10. Will Smith

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s crazy successful. The more Hollywood he has gotten the less I have found myself really drawn to him but I mean he’s Will Smith. I think most people who might even say they don’t like him wouldn’t actually mind him crashing their parties. He seems like he’d steal all the shine from you at your party, but on the other hand he’d probably pay for everything being a show off and it would more than likely wind up being a night you and your friends wouldn’t forget. Plus he has a great body and a great smile so he’d definitely improve the scenery.


9. Jeff Goldblum

There’s something nerdily sexy about him too. He’s also extremely funny to me and he’s tall, dark and good looking. You see the pattern by now I’m sure. There’s also a trend with dark hair and glasses I’m noticing myself as I do this. But whatever he seems like a really cool fun guy to have at your party to me. He seems like he could hold his liquor and hold some of yours for you too. And I really like his voice, lol


8. Bradley Cooper

I’m not very big on his face, but his body makes up for it. I got forced to see the A Team and I was really upset until he took his shirt off. And then I was upset when he put it back on. Too bad the romance in that movie was some complete crap. But if he came shirtless or in something very hugging he could definitely be at my party. It would be nice if he waxed or shaved too because I don’t really like hairy chests…but yup.


7. David Beckham

He’s definitely invited to the party. In fact I’ll send him two invitations. I don’t know jack about soccer, I don’t care about soccer. And maybe he’s dumb and doesn’t have a lot of good conversation. Maybe he’s incredibly boring. But there’s no need for decorations if Beckham is in the building. He’s just a really nice specimen of a man. Great body, great face…great everything looks wise.



6. Conan O’Brien

He went to Harvard. He wrote for the Simpsons. He made me stay up way past my bedtime every night while I was in high school when I had to get up at 5:30 am to be ready for the bus. I didn’t know why, but I was in love. And I’m still in love. It’s probably because he’s tall, intelligent and funny. Those are three big things with me. The only red head I’m crazy about in the world lol and he’s really not even traditionally handsome. He’s sort of a goof and kind of hyper but there’s something charming about him just the same. So I’d definitely want him at my party to keep us laughing and to keep on enchanting me with that red headed charm.


5. Mark Wahlberg

O yes, he can definitely come. And without his shirt too. He’s tall, dark and handsome and he’s intense if not a bit d baggish in some instances but he’s also funny. I figure if anyone would start a fight at the party it is him probably, but it would be well worth the risk having someone so fine there.


4. Jon Stewart

If he was a little taller he could certainly qualify as the man of my dreams. He’s so smart, witty, and he’s such an asshole but he means well doesn’t he? He seems incredibly cocky and sure of himself in everything and yet he manages to come across as down to earth as well. That combination is incredibly sexy. He is just a cool guy all around it seems to me and there’s no way you could have any kind of discussion at your party without him pissing someone off or making them feel like an idiot at some point. So he simply has to be there. He’d definitely be one of the first people I’d invite!


3. Keanu Reeves

He can’t act. He doesn’t seem especially smart, and in fact he reminds me of dry wall in many many ways. But he’s a lot better to look at than dry wall. He can come to the party but I’m not expecting much out of him in the way of great banter or having a sharp and intriguing personality. I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of dumb Matrix jokes because he’s there, but dammit he looks good for a guy with little personality so…he’s on the guest list!


2. Olivier Martinez

I saw Unfaithful. There’s nothing else to be said. He can come.


1. Sting


I don’t care how old he is, he’s still hot to me. And after seeing him on the Daily Show recently I saw that he has an excellent sense of humor. And he’s tall, and he’s a musician. He’s made some of the most acclaimed music of all time and he’s also quite charitable and involved. And he has an accent. So he can definitely be invited.


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